Title goes here

Civil Service: Not civil, poor service.

2009-01-09T20:20:00.002Z

That was the week from hell in work. The idiots have come out of the woodwork, and in previously unheard of numbers.

Started back on Monday, the first proper week since the new year, and we all know what that means, don't we? Yep, pandemonium! January is one of the busiest months of the year for us (if not the busiest), because the deadline for filing tax returns is at the end of the month.

Everyone's had since April to do the fucking things, of course, but you can be damn sure they'll wait until January to try and file it and then moan like it's our fault when they haven't left themselves enough time.

They'd forecast a busy Monday and Tuesday, with it quietening down somewhat by the latter half of the week. But with each passing day, still the calls kept coming. And still the intelligence kept dropping. I actually had to fail a guy on the security checks today for getting his name wrong. His name. Seriously, called up, didn't know his own name. Words fail me.

All my other pet hates are there in the week's calls as well - agents with an entitlement complex, people who insist that no no no, they CAN give us their bank details by phone and it's perfectly secure, people threatening to go to their MP because they didn't have their refund by return of post, the list goes on.

Anyway, it's been chaotic for all 5 days, and my patience has been wearing thinner and thinner with each passing minute. There's been the odd moment of not-shitness, namely getting my leave approved for the Judas Priest gig. I've only taken a half day, but it was around the time of a school holiday, so the chances of getting it were a bit up in the air as all those folk with kids try to have time off. To be honest, I'm not all that arsed about Priest, but Megadeth and Testament are supporting, and there's no way in hell I'm gonna miss seeing Testament.

Oh god, reading over that last paragraph, I've become that elitist guy who goes to gigs for the support bands. Although I kind of had that suspicion last year when I cared more about Gojira than In Flames, and Cynic more than Opeth. Also handed over some cash this week, so my ticket to see AC/DC is now locked down.

Hmmm. Got a bit sidetracked, started off ranting about work, ended up veering off into musical fascism, where I decide that my opinion on bands is the most important one. And speaking of musical fascism, you should all be listening to Kampfar.

Roast dead thing

2009-01-04T15:39:00.002Z

Went for lunch yesterday with the Clan Zilla at Wagamama in Pollok. Was pretty impressed with the place, the service was good, and they were very pleasant and polite with the kids and their chopstick-hurling antics. I had salmon ramen, although I only realised that it rhymed as I was ordering, resulting in me feeling like a prize fud. Either way, it was very tasty, and nice and filling. So much so that it boggles the mind how certain people can have that and a main course when eating Japanese.

Anyway, went home afterwards and awaited the family arriving for dinner. Easy cooking ahoy, as a previous visit to See-Woo had resulted in the freezer containing 3 packets, each containing two half ducks, pre-roasted and seasoned. So it was just a case of cooking them and also a parsnip and carrot gratin, although it was nicer the previous time when I made it with leeks instead of carrots.

Sadly, we'd misjudged the amount of duck required, and thus it looks like I'll be having it as leftovers for about the next 3 days or so. just as well it's tasty, eh?

What kind of a year has it been?

2009-01-01T17:28:00.002Z

So, 2008 then.

Started off reasonably well, getting settled into new job and all that jazz. Enthusiasm for job has waned over the year as idiot taxpayers (and even more idiotic management) conspire to make each day a horrific ordeal. Still, secure enough job in these times of credit crunch and similar media-friendly phrases. I'm in this role until October at the earliest before I'm eligible for another sideways move. Although the word is that they're like gold dust, so I shan't hold out much hope of that.

Didn't go to Donington this year, since the lineup turned out to be a steaming great pile of shite. Half of Kiss, The Offspring, and LostProphets? No way, fuck off. Will possibly do it this year, really depends on what bands play. If not Donington, then Bloodstock's always a possibility.

Gave up my season ticket at Parkhead, couldn't really justify the continued cost of it. Can't honestly say my life is any emptier without it.

I'll be honest, most important part of this year was my trip to Vegas. Caught up on old friends, met new friends, and generally spent 10 days having the most awesome time I could. Not been as down this time as I was last time, the 'I wanna go back' feelings haven't been as dominating as they were before. Not that I wouldn't go back right now if I was able to (because I so would), more that I'm used to the feeling of deflation that one gets from coming back to Scotland. Said it before and I'll say it again, the lifestyle over there fucks you up, but you don't realise it's done it until you get back.

That period was so awesome that the rest of the year does kind of pale into insignificance when compared to it. Just had a quiet one last night to see in the new year, was up at Steve and Kat's with them, the kids, and Kat's cute friend Lorna, who'd also appeared. I was sober, so got to bed about 2am and didn't have a hangover this morning. Win!

I've got no real idea what I want to do with myself this coming year, there's nothing that's screaming out and insisting that I grab the bull by the horns.

Quiche

2008-12-30T17:04:00.001Z

Xmas day: Went round to family's for dinner, got angry at the idiocy of opinion on display. Happens every year. This year it was about how the rich shouldn't pay more tax than the poor, and that civil servants apparently retire on big pensions.

Boxing day: popped up to EK to try and get a couple of things from the shops. Avoided the car-park thanks to the resident's permit, but still found myself unable to last more than half an hour without the urge to go on a killing spree boiling over. oth game stores had queues to get in, HMV had a queue for the till that stretched round two sides of the store, and the place was just mobbed. And HMV and waterstones were both out of stock of what I wanted. Zavvi had the Sopranos box set on DVD, but since they're bust and not offering refunds, I avoided, just on the off-chance it was knacked in some way. ordered it online instead.

The 27th: Went to the pub to watch the Old Firm game. Quality of football on display was woeful, but we beat the huns, so I'm really not caring. 7 points clear at new year, I'll take that!

The 28th: Didn't really do much, bought a couple of books in town, then sat down to watch the NFL. Dolphins in the playoffs for the first time since 2001! Drank more whisky than I realised while watching the game, consequently felt a touch fragile the next day.

That more or less brings us up to the present. New year to come, and then I'm back into work on the 2nd. Fucking taxpayers, I hate them.

Ruprecht

2008-12-25T00:09:00.003Z

That's midnight now, so I can safely wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Or Hogswatch, or whatever you celebrate.

Whatever you do, try and not overdo it, and remember the true meaning of the holiday period - commemorating the resurrection of Santa Claus three days after he was crucified.

Wheeee!

2008-12-24T16:51:00.003Z

...and that's me finished work until the 2nd of January.

can you believe people were actually still calling their tax office five minutes before closing on Christmas Eve?!?!?

Parents

2008-12-23T22:58:00.001Z

And just when you thought you knew it all, something totally unexpected and yet totally amazing comes out of the blue.

My mum rocks.
[/schmaltz]

Old man

2008-12-21T09:55:00.001Z

I appear to now be 29 years old.

I also appear to be hungover. This may have been caused by people buying me beer to celebrate the fact I was 29 years old.

Darths and Droids

2008-12-09T22:39:00.000Z

Seriously, this is just too fucking funny.

The Ballad of the Uruk-Hai

2008-12-06T22:24:00.002Z

In keeping with the theme of meaning to write about stuff but never actually getting round to it, it's now Saturday night and I'm just getting to type up about the Korpiklaani gig I was at on Tuesday.

Had driven in at great velocity after work, and had made it there for about half 7 or so. Got in to the venue and could hear a high-pitched singing from upstairs. I wasn't sure whether it was a female, or a guy doing falsetto. Which doesn't really bode well for the band's identity.

Turns out that the band were Kivimetsän Druidi, and the singer was female. She was also rubbish (as were the rest of the band), indeed the only moment of note was when she managed to knock over her own mic stand.

Second on were Falchion, who played no-nonsense, good, fast technical metal. Turns out that their vocalist and lead guitarist is the accordion player for Korpiklaani, and the 2 bands also share a drummer. But they were very good, I and I found their songs to be most enjoyable.

Main support was Battlelore, and they came onstage in full make up, and the singer was brandishing a sword. A fucking sword! All of their songs are about Middle Earth, but I couldn't make out the lyrics, so I'll just assume that they told tales from the orcs side, as the tone seemed too dark for hobbity nonsense.

And then we come to Korpiklaani. Stupidly over-the-top stage presence from all of them, and the singer's mic stand was a giant set of antlers. Started fast, got faster, they're a really good, upbeat, party band. Which makes me glad to have seen them in a venue that only holds a couple of hundred people.

On the pool

2008-12-03T20:45:00.002Z

So, last Friday. Was supposed to be in work, working away (as one might be expected to do in work - go figure). However, I'd been informed earlier on in the week that there was a pool tournament for HMRC employees, and that special leave was available for it.

Special leave, for the uninitiated, is basically a paid day off that doesn't count towards your quota of annual leave. It's often granted in cases where there's been a bereavement, or a seriously ill family member. Or in this case, to play pool and get drunk.

Anyway, whole bunch of us saw the times, realised it was a paid day off, and promptly applied. I got approved (as did half the floor for that day) although a few folk did get knocked back because they weren't quick enough.

Thus it came to pass that last Friday consisted of me walking into work, saying hi, and vanishing again. My last day on the team, little more than a fleeting appearance. Oh well.

Got to the pool hall in Battlefield at about half 11 for a 12 noon start, so had a cheeky wee pint, and immediately wished I hadn't. Not because of the potential to be smashed before I'd even played a game, but because the lines clearly hadn't been cleaned. Urgh.

Tournament started just after 12, and there was a preliminary round to be had to narrow the field down to 64 for the first round. I was straight into the first round through that ancient mechanism that we call 'the luck of the draw'. So I waited. And waited. And waited. Finally got called onto the table (there were 8, but progress was still hellishly slow) at about 3pm.

By 3.15pm, my progress in the tournament was over. Lost by two frames to one, having won the first by virtue of a reverse granny (my opponent potted from the break, sunk another couple of balls, and then fucked up and potted the black too early). So I was one frame up without having so much as hit a ball. The other two frames were pretty comfortable defeats for me, although a minor rules disagreement was chalked off as ignorance, when I suspect the real answer was "Two shots carry? Like fuck they do. Cheating cunt"

My sporting escapades once again cruelly halted before their peak, I returned to the bar, and started on the Guinness. Beat one of the other guys 5-0 on the American pool tables in an hour, and got progressively more drunk. Time is a bit hazy as to when I left, but I think it was about 6pm. Already a touch melted, I headed into town, went to Rufus', drank more, and almost got knocked back from the Classic Grand.

Only lasted an hour or so in there before I realised myself that I was way too drunk, and got the bus home. Was in bed by 2am, but still felt like death for pretty much all of Saturday. But that would be to forget the key element, which is that I got paid to take the day off work and play pool.

Stick your streaky bacon up your arse.

2008-11-25T22:09:00.002Z

Well, seems like I'm getting moved teams in work. Got told this morning, as it seems that the size of various teams is imbalanced due to folk leaving etc. Reasoning given was that I was picked as the one to leave our team because I apparently 'don't need as much help as others'. So I'm effectively taking the hit for the heinous crime of being decent at my job, having good stats and not being off sick constantly. Go figure.

Start in the new team on Monday, but I'll still be going on the night out with the old team a week on Friday. A big final blowout, if you will.

I'm mostly typing this to distract from the fact Celtic are out of Europe, but it's not helping.

Meh

2008-11-12T22:49:00.002Z

I was gonna type out a big long post here about how people claiming tax repayments are the worst people in the world, but I simply can't face it right now. I'll do it some other time.

So I'll just point out that tonight, Celtic won, Rangers dropped points, and Liverpool and Chelsea both got put out of the cup. Carlsberg don't do football results...

Quicky

2008-11-11T09:02:00.002Z

Work on Saturday - boring as all hell, stupidly quiet, half the systems down, got away at 3pm because it was so dead.

Sunday - Went to the cinema to see W. Didn't really seem to tell us anything we didn't already know, seemed like an excuse to stick the boot in. Which I'm fine with. Bush 41 was portrayed sympathetically (as opposed to the monumental asshole he is), Cheney got it with both barrels, and Powell seemed to be treated as the fall guy.

Monday - Work. I'm not even supposed to be here today. Busiest day of the week, and it's dead. Hopefully the rest of the week will be like that.

Ball!

2008-11-07T21:58:00.003Z

We were meant to be on strike on Monday. Nice day off work (well, it's November, so probably a foul day off work) and I'd have still had two days of what passes for a weekend, what with working tomorrow.

And as always, it gets fucked up. We received an email from the Union at about lunchtime saying that the strike has been suspended pending further negotiations. More accurately, they'd received a letter from the Cabinet Office saying that they'd agreed to consider the union's demands.

WHAT THE FUCK, YOU SHOWER OF CUNTS?

They'd agreed to CONSIDER the demands? Well that's just fucking great. And as always happens, the strike is cancelled, they'll 'negotiate', say that there's still no money since the bankers need bailed out, and perhaps offer us an extra 0.1%, still miles below inflation. The union will then claim this as a victory, and we'll all continue to bend over and get shafted.

So I'm in work on Monday. And not at all happy about it.

Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Fatman!

2008-11-03T19:15:00.002Z

Ahem.

Was out for dinner with the family on Saturday night since it was Mum's 60th. We went to Bar Milano at Eastwood Toll. And wouldn't you know, a funny thing happened while we were there.

I had three courses. Not one of them had any meat in it. I know what you're thinking: 'Who is this, and what has he done with Gordon?' But it's true. Started off with Aubergine / Eggplant stuffed with peppers and cheese, then had Tortellini with Spinach and Ricotta, with Banoffee Pie to finish.

All absolutely delicious, and no dead animal in it at all. Well, a herd of pasta got slaughtered, but no-one really minds about them.

Don't think for a second that this means I'm going all veggie and shit, I'm not. But feel free to try Bar Milano if you're hungry, I highly recommend it.

LX

2008-11-01T17:20:00.002Z

Mum's 60th birthday today, which is a weight off my mind. Me and my sister clubbed together and got her a holiday to Krakow (with her sister), and let me tell you, it's been a fucking nightmare keeping things secret.

The flights changed a couple of times because various GiroJet companies saw fit to cancel them, so that necessitated switching the hotel dates. Then I had to keep phoning her friends to tell them to stop organising stuff for the weekend she was away.

Still, it's all done. Out for dinner later with the family. Not eaten anything today apart from a bowl of porridge, so I intend to pig out tonight.

What I did on my holidays.

2008-10-31T22:55:00.004Z

I'm currently waiting on a rather large file downloading, and for reasons best known to itself and the gods of the internet, it's coming really slowly. So now is probably a good time to type up my Vegas trip report.

Getting there
Checked into Glasgow airport at 4am, and by 4.02 I had boarding passes etc, and a huge queue had materialised seemingly out of nowhere, so I'm hefty glad I got there first. Flight from Glasgow - Amsterdam was nice and relaxing, although it was all I could do to stay awake (since I'd decided Amsterdam - Detroit was where I'd sleep to stick two fingers up at jetlag). Funny moment at Amsterdam airport as the security dude asked a few questions before I got on the flight, and foolishly for him, one of them was whether I thought Celtic would win that night. Cue about 90 seconds of non-stop rant about why we wouldn't. Still, at least it convinced him I was genuine.

Next two flights were no problem at all, and I managed to sleep enough that I was wide awake by Vegas. Got off the plane, and...well, to paraphrase the Proclaimers: "And I would walk 500 miles,
And I would walk 500 more,
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles to get from the plane to his fucking suitcase"
I'd forgotten just how far from the gate baggage reclaim was. I had to take a fucking tram! Anyway, met Jeff, got in car, went to his apartment, and met Liz, who was just as lovely as I'd imagined she'd be.

While I was there
I'd love to regale you with tales of everything I got up to while in the city of debauchery, but I am compelled to obey the ancient maxim of "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas". Well, not quite. To keep it short and sweet:
--Met up with a bunch cool people, some I'd met before, some not. The "Hey, you look familia....OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU!" reaction never gets old.
--Went to see Flogging Molly. Great show, most fun. Had only seen 15 minutes of them before, but there was a great atmosphere, and I'll be seeing them again if they come to Glasgow. Stayed out drinking until 5am afterwards, and got hit a lot to keep me awake. No pain, no gain etc...
--Got hair-gel-and-toothbrushed. Never thought I'd see the day, but ultimately I'm not that concerned. It was what it was.
--Visited the Hoover Dam. First look at the place and my brain was saying "Half-Life". No sign of any tentacle beasts though.
--Got sunburned. On my head. Hair thinner this trip than last trip. Only the one day though, remembered to chuck on a bandana the rest of the time.
--Also went to the shark reef at Mandalay Bay, and managed to accidentally turn round and appear face to face with the jellyfish exhibit. I'd been trying to avoid it. Best laid plans of mice and men etc etc. Rest of it was very interesting though, even if the spoilsport crocodile just sat there.
--Other stuff mentioned in previous entries, not typing it out again.
--Went to a shooting range. Despite my views on gun control, let it be known that shooting live ammo from a real gun is really fucking cool.

That's about it for now. I'm sure more'll come back to me, but I can tell y'all about that when I remember.

Coming home
Long day. Shortish flight from Vegas to Portland, huge wait in Portland airport, which seemed to be devoid of pretty much anything to do. Except eat a half pound burger, drink beer and chat up the cute barmaid. Loaded up on sleeping pills with the intention of sleeping from Portland to Amsterdam, which was foiled by the screaming banshee-child 2 seats over. And the incompetent mother who seemed to think that simply saying 'Shhh' in a soft voice would work this time, when it had failed on the previous 50,000 attempts. Final leg was Amsterdam to Glasgow, which featured the usual spastic Glaswegians applauding when the plane lands. Seriously, what the fuck? The guy did his job the way he was meant to. There wasn't a crosswind or anything like that, it was a textbook case of easy landing conditions. There's no need to clap for that. Do you clap when the a waiter brings you a steak from the kitchen and doesn't drop it, you dribbling shower of cunts?!?

Ahem. But yeah, fun week, good people, will probably last about 3 days here before I'm fed up with Scotland again.

Atacama Rain

2008-10-27T15:33:00.003Z

Two thousand and forty-nine.
*click*
Two thousand and fifty.
*click*
Two thousand and fifty-one.
*click*
*reset*
One...

I got hair-gel-and-toothbrushed. Words fail me.

2008-10-24T22:44:00.003Z

Just a brief update from sunny foreignland. All is going well, good people here, good weather, good times had by all.

Flight over was painless, no trouble this time, although a machine-gun speed 90 second rant about Celtic confused the security guy no end. Going to see Flogging Molly tonight, and there's talk of a free bar in the offing beforehand.

Also surprisingly devoid of hangover today, which is most bizarre given how much booze-drinkery we partook in last night. 3 of us put away about 1.75 litres of rum in about 4 hours or so. I can heartily recommend 'Karma' as a great drinking game to get you good and fucked up.

Will update in more detail when I get home.

I'm goin' on vacation!

2008-10-20T19:03:00.003Z

Pretty much all set to go. Case is packed, all necessary documentation available and to hand (I hope!), not much else to do except wait.

Flight's in just under ten hours, so I'll be leaving here about half 2 in the am. Just gonna pull an all-nighter tonight and sleep on the Amsterdam - Detroit plane. Which no doubt means that insomnia'll kick in and I'll be awake for all nine hours or however long it is, thus fucking up my sleep pattern good and proper.

I'll have my phone with me this time, but I'm unsure as to the quality of reception or anything like that. And it'll cost a bomb to contact anyone, so that's more for emergencies and such like. Unsure as to how much web access I'll have, so the chances are I won't be in contact with y'all until I get back in ten days or so.

Have fun staying here, much as I intend to have all kinds of fun over there. And remember, what happens in Vegas...stays in Vegas.

Valuable lessons I have learned - an occasional series

2008-10-18T13:46:00.001Z

Episode 420:
The back is more sensitive than the arm.

Penicillin not required

2008-10-16T19:58:00.002Z

Finished work until November 4th!

I spent most of today being astonishingly lazy, and skiving at every possible opportunity. 5pm rolled round (early finish 'cause it was quiet) and I was out of there. Did a bit of shopping, and got most of the stuff I was taking to Vegas per requests from folk there. Just a couple of personal items still to get.

So I'm pretty much now on countdown to holiday. Woohoo!

National Customer Service Week - Ha!

2008-10-11T12:33:00.002Z

Yesterday at work, we had the pointless farce of a team-building exercise because it was apparently 'National Customer Service Week'. I haven't seen a waste of time that big since the opening of the King Knut hydroelectric company.

Anyway, poor jokes aside, we got an hour off the phones to build a bridge between two tables about 18" apart, using the materials provided and anything we had on us. Given that our team had 5 guys in it, we thought outside the box and took our belts off, stretched them taut across the gap, and started taping them down. Win!

No, not quite win. We were then informed that 'one of your team has called in sick, you now have limited resources', and they took away the tape with only one belt attached. So we stuck 2 fingers up at them, tied all the other belts together, and then tied each end of that chain to the table. Bridge worked, we win easily.

Then the facilitator-type people made a foolish mistake. They handed out anonymous feedback sheets.

What challenges did you face?
An entirely arbitrary rule-change halfway through, designed solely to scupper a working plan.

How did you overcome this?
By using a lower-quality design and lesser materials, which is about right for the civil service.

What would you do differently next time?
Build the bridge using PFI, so we don't even have to pretend that customers matter if there's profit to be had.

If they don't want cynical answers to stupid questions, then they shouldn't have wasted my time with such a pointless charade.

Sold to the gentleman with the nervous twitch, that's the third Rembrandt he's bought today. Sir must be very rich.

2008-10-06T21:50:00.003Z

Headed over to an auction on Saturday, a whole bunch of stuff was being sold off from a warehouse or something. Sadly, it had been advertised prominently in the previous day's Herald, so half of Glasgow also went along, to the extent that they ran out of numbers for folk to bid with.

Didn't end up winning anything in the end, it's one of those situations where you can save a fortune, but you have to have a decent bankroll to begin with (£8000 Persian rugs going for £2000 etc). I had my eye on some cases of cheap whisky, but Glasgow audiences being a touch stupid, they ended up selling for more than it'd have cost to buy them in the off-licence. So I appeared to be the one sensible one who didn't get carried away.

Decided after leaving that I did want whisky, so picked up a bottle of 15 year old Dalwhinnie on the way home. Nom nom nom.

Woofthudthudthudthudthudthudthudthud

2008-10-04T08:54:00.002Z

Got home from work yesterday to be told that while my mum was getting ready for her golf club dinner, she heard a sound from outside her room. A sound that was a lot of dull thuds, one after the other. About ten of them. She came out into the hall, and saw the dog limping at the bottom of the stairs.

Yes, the family pet managed to fall down the stairs. Seems to be ok this morning, no lasting damage. Just another sign that she's getting old, I guess...

CryptoNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOmicon

2008-09-28T20:23:00.002Z

I was meant to be working a late shift (1200 - 2000) on October 22nd (and also the 29th, but that's less relevant here). When I booked up to go to Vegas, I obviously couldn't do that. Rather than just dump my team in the shit, I asked if anyone could swap the shifts. No problems there, so I switched with one of the girls on the team. She'll do my 22nd, and I'll do her October 15th shift.

All fine and dandy, until I walk past Waterstone's in town today, and see a poster in the window. Neal Stephenson will be talking about his new book, and signing copies. Guess when? October 15th, or this would have been a very irrelevant post. 1830 - 2000.

Doubt the team will handle another swap, so it looks like I'm missing then. Bah!

Stuff and nonsense.

2008-09-23T19:35:00.003Z

Had a nasty 'wake up during the night in a panic' moment the other night. For some reason, I just had visions of showing up at the airport to fly and being asked "Nice printout, who the hell are you?" because I'd booked through lastminute.com. Turns out I needn't have worried, checked the KLM and Northwest websites, and my booking's listed on both. So I'm good to go on that front. Less than a month!

What else is new? Not a lot. Got the In Flames gig this Saturday, which I'm looking forward to, although if I'm honest, I'm more interested in the support band, Gojira, seeing as how their new album's amazing.

That's it really, will update if anything exciting happens, honest!

This post brought to you by Old Pulteney single malt whisky

2008-09-17T21:16:00.002Z

Right, so I sat down tonight to watch the Celtic game, and had a glass of whisky. Nerves (hell, it's the champions League, I always get nervous) meant that the first glass was finished in double quick time.

Frustration at our inability to finish off nice passing movements accounted for glasses two and three. Glass four came and went thanks to Barry Robson having a 24' by 8' area to aim at for the penalty he took, yet still hitting it straight at the fucking keeper.

More of the same in the second half, and now the bottle's finished. I appear to have drunk more than I intended. Not the best performance from Celtic (verging on mince), and now I feel all empty.

Being a football fan's a sure-fire way to have a life of ups and downs. 5 games to go in the group stages. There's a bottle of Ardbeg to get me through those.

Call centre heaven?

2008-09-13T10:07:00.002Z

Anyone who has ever worked in a call centre knows about 'The Parting Shot'. It's when the call's ending, and the caller wants to get in some final dig at you when you don't have the chance to respond.
--Okay, thanks for calling.
--Goodbye...you Scotch cunt*click*

The sort where you want to look up their number and call them back to point out that
a) They're quite the telephone tough guy, and
b) Scotch is a drink, you moronic buffoon.

The other kind of parting shot is the phrase said to someone else in the room. Sometimes, this is genuine, sometimes not. Either they'll switch their demeanour to talk to their cohort:
--Well, thanks for all your help anyway..................Well they're no fucking he*click*

Or they'll pretend to do the same, bellowing loudly (volume and intelligence frequently being inversely proportional) to their couch, presumably in the misguided hope that I'll be racked with guilt at their plight and call them back, apologise, and point out that I've checked again and I actually DO have the power to amend government policy and violate all manner of anti-discrimination laws to suit their every whim.

Anyway, I digress. The point of this entry was to note that the complete reverse happened the other day. It was a simple case of moving records, updating an employer, splitting allowances and issuing a couple of codes. Bread and butter for any semi-competent revenue monkey. Explained what would happen and what the timescales would be, and as she hung up, I heard her talking to her mum in the background (genuine, voices off had been heard all call).
--Okay, goodbye.............He was fantas*click*
Calls like that do happen every so often, and it's quite the ego boost.

Of course, the next call was a stuck up prick that I wished would die in a freak yachting accident, and normal service was resumed.

Nom

2008-09-11T18:58:00.003Z

Finished work early today, and the entire team went out for a meal. Excellent new Chinese restaurant in EK, food was absolutely amazing. Have now eaten far, far too much.

I think i may be compelled to go to the gym pre-work tomorrow to burn some of this off.

Vomitorium

2008-09-08T15:26:00.003Z

Got sent home from work today (well, made the decision to leave with no protestations to the contrary from the team leader) for throwing up after less than two hours of my shift. Lovely.

And in happier news, I had a eureka moment last night and now know what I'm doing for Halloween. Minimum effort, maximum geekery, Dr McNinja is in the house.

Minor intermission

2008-09-07T10:55:00.003Z

Been reading Michael Palin's diaries recently (the published ones, it's not like I've been sneaking into his house when he's not there), and one point jumped out at me.

In an entry from the late 70s, he mentions that petrol has hit the heights of £1 per gallon, so he walks his daughter to school in the hope of being a bit more ecologically minded.

Nothing changes...

Calvin's novelty song principle.

2008-09-06T10:58:00.002Z

Work was fairly boring yesterday, although I did manage to spend half an hour doing nothing after relocating to the 4th floor because half my systems wouldn't boot up.

Only real highlight of the day was when I started corpsing while on a call. Some guy had called in and said he'd stop talking because a police / ambulance / whatever siren was blaring outside. After it passed, he added, off-hand "They'll not sell much ice cream at that speed".

Now, anyone knows that joke is ancient. And I've heard it literally hundreds of times before. But for some reason, it just set me off. So this guy's trying to ask for help with his tax, and I'm doing my best to stifle laughter, completely unable to pay attention to a word he's saying. And as we all know, when you try and hold in laughter, it redoubles its efforts to escape. Eventually managed to calm myself down, but I don't think he was too pleased.

I suppose I should be thankful he wasn't calling to report a bereavement.

XLVII

2008-09-04T23:02:00.002Z

Got my flights booked today, so I'm good to go.

October 21st: Glasgow --> Amsterdam --> Detroit --> Las Vegas.
October 30th: Las Vegas --> Portland --> Amsterdam --> Glasgow.

Flight out leaves Glasgow at 5.55am, but that's the only niggle, and it gives me the biggest window at various airports for catching connections / getting through immigration etc.

I'll try and make a post soon that isn't just me rabbiting on about my trip, honest!

A commendable focus on all the wrong things.

2008-09-03T18:44:00.002Z

In work early today. Building up flexi-time? Showing an admirable work ethic? Fuck no. Got in, signed onto the computer, and immediately fired up the leave request stencil. Took most of the day, but they finally got back to me. Confirmed!

So while everyone else is busting their asses dealing with people who can't fill in a form correctly, I'll be about 8000 miles away. Just have to arrange flights for that, and I'm good to go. Have an agreement in principle from my sister to crash at hers if flying from Manchester turns out to be the best option, so I'll spend the next day or two checking prices and times and other such things.

Cannot wait.

Bright light city...

2008-09-02T21:14:00.002Z

Not updated here in ages, will try and make updates a bit more frequent from here on out. And most of y'all will probably have stopped checking the damn thing. Unless you've got RSS enabled or other such technical wizardry.

Aaaaaanyway. Was taking a particularly hellish call in work today, an informant. If someone calls in to snitch that someone's not paying their tax, we have to note all the details they tell us and pass it up the food chain. Which meant that I had the delights of 37 minutes of noting down the oft-repeated assertions of our caller that the gentleman of foreign descent that she was reporting was probably not declaring his income.

She had no actual evidence for this claim, of course, beyond her convictions that "These people come into our country, use the facilities, and don't contribute. They should just go home". And I had to sit there, and listen, and note it down, and listen some more, and waste some poor sucker of a compliance officer's time with this crap. I hate the public at times.

Back to the point, however. While doing all this, I realised how fed up I was. So I checked the leave calendar, right around the peak time for the self-assessment deadline. And it was green, so the chances of me getting that time off are pretty good. Will request it off tomorrow, and then I should be set for a proper holiday, my first in 4 years. All going to plan, I'll be goin' back to Vegas! I'm more psyched for this than I have been for anything in quite some time. So fingers crossed that it doesn't go tits up.

Oh yeah, and you should all watch The Wire, which I've only just discovered and is excellent.

God of Biscuits

2008-07-06T21:47:00.002Z

Out last night, with a Jeff on UK shores for the first time in about two and a half years.

Started off in the Pot Still for a quick drink, then headed down to the Classic Grand. Drank plenty, shot the shit, laughed aplenty when Barry had to apologise over the PA for the silence as the song he'd played wasn't long enough to cover his toilet break. Still, last song of the evening was 'Still alive', which made me smile muchly.

Anyway, we then got outside, and that's where things got interesting. Got chips and cheese from Riginals (they can rename it as many times as they like, it'll be named that until my dying day), and we're walking up Oswald Street when we bump into some girl in tears because she's lost. Trying to get to George Square, apparently, and had been bamboozled by turning left instead of right when she left whatever bar she'd been in. Good samaritans the pair of us, we walk her there, and it turns out that she'd recently moved into a new house and had no idea how to get home to there in the early hours. Neither of us knowing a lot about Cambuslang and its associated night-bus services, George Square was where we left her.

So anyway, we walk back to Union Street to get the bus, and some girl walks past the driver, and doesn't pay. When he remonstrates, she heads upstairs and says "Call the police then". (Steve is going to cream himself at the next sentence). So the driver drives to the end of Union Street, pulls over, and does indeed call the police. By this time, we're all wanting to go home, so when the cops arrive to remove the nefarious fare-dodger, a massive cheer goes up from the entire bus (apart from her, obv). Cheering seeming like a fun thing, it continues when other people get on at future stops, with variations on a theme, such as booing the first guy on and cheering the second.

It was one of those weird nights when the bus is full of people with a sense of humour that's as black as two in the morning and there's no malice at all. The way night buses SHOULD be.

Now I know how Keith Foulke felt.

2008-07-01T21:15:00.002Z

Random things that have annoyed me this week:
Hotmail detecting Firefox and splashing up a 'helpful' "You may want to upgrade your browser" screen at me. No, I don't. Now fuck off.
People phoning up work at ten past three and thinking they're being perfectly reasonable when they demand that everyone drops what they're doing, searches through tens of thousands of items of post, and calls them back with an update by 1630. No, not going to happen. Now fuck off.
Getting my hands taped to each other with duct tape. Long story. But nothing untoward, before anyone starts getting mental images of American Pie 2.

Also, my heart is racing right now, feels like it's going a million beats a minute. But that's not a bad thing, and certainly not annoying.

Blood.

2008-06-22T17:32:00.002Z

When a person's holding something, and accidentally drops it, natural human reaction is to try and catch it before it hits the ground. We do this instinctively, and this is generally useful, as the time taken to think "Should I catch this?" greatly reduces the chances of catching it before it hits the ground.

It's not quite so useful when the item dropped is a double-edged razor blade.

XI

2008-06-21T14:53:00.003Z

Works night out last night. One of the techs was retiring and having a get-together at the Centre One club, so our team decided that it'd be a good idea to show en masse and use the event as an excuse for a team night out. Cheap drink, so I can't really complain.

Anyay, showed up, drank, left about 12 or so and headed off into EK town centre. Where I went to *shudder* Centre Point, one of the many venues in East Kilbride that calls itself a nightclub. And I drank more, and had a very interesting conversation, which revealed that I have once again failed to notice something right in front of me. The night was fun, though.

Made it home about half three, and was sensible enough to knock back a litre of water, so I'm decidedly lacking in hangover. Which is nice.

Tiger Woods

2008-06-19T18:48:00.002Z

Meant to mention this earlier. Tiger Woods won the US Open golf this past weekend, and was wincing in pain after almost every shot, because he wasn't long back from knee surgery. The media, upon finding out that that he also had a stress fracture in his leg, hailed his almost superhuman ability to play through the pain barrier.

Sorry, but no. He's a fucking retard. Playing this weekend has exacerbated the injury, and he now needs more surgery on his cruciate ligaments, ruling him out for the entire rest of the season (and probably a chunk of next season too). All this to show how much intestinal fortitude he has, to demonstrate just how much winning means to him.

It's not even like he was on for the grand slam or anything (which would have been an understandable reason for playing on), it was just a bog-standard major championship. He's risking future disability for a shot at glory now, which makes him a belming mongoloid.

So what have we learned from this? A few things:
1) Injuries need time to heal.
2) Playing sport full-pelt is not generally conducive to the healing process.
3) If the media have decided you're great, then no matter how stupid your actions, they'll put a positive spin on it.

Tired, hot, sore, alone, and filled with hate. A traditional Sunday, then.

2008-06-15T18:13:00.003Z

Okay, it seems like an age since I've written anything here, and there's a good reason for this - it has been an age (especially if your age is 13 days). So those of you who have RSS feeds will see this, and those without will no doubt have long since given up expecting any updates and be off doing your own thing. Ho hum.

Anyhow, I've been off work since Wednesday, as I'd booked the leave to go to Donington. However, the lineup turned out to be shit, so I didn't go. This left me with 5 working days where I don't have to go to work, and as I've got plenty of leave to use up, there was no chance in hell that I'd be giving it back.

The time off hasn't been spent hugely productively, mostly just enjoying the fact that I can get up as late as I want to. Which I did on Thursday, having been to (and lost - pesky final round) the pub quiz in EK with Kat and Charlie.

Later on Thursday, I headed off into town to see Children of Bodom at the Academy, and it was decidedly average. Not mince, but nowhere near as good as it could have been. We headed back into town afterwards, and what was going to be just one pint in the Solid soon became 3 pints, 2 Jagermeister, and a Tuaca. So I headed up to Bamboo, and promptly got catastrophically drunk on their £1 promos. Got home about noon on Friday, and I'm a drunken shambles. The rest of the weekend was spent not drinking.

Friday was Tam of Zippy fame's leaving night, so I went there for a few hours before heading home due to lots of tiredness, and I spent most of Saturday in Kelvingrove Park being a proper jakey (albeit minus the alcohol)

I had planned a long lie this morning, but Vonnie texted me at about half 8 asking if I was going to church, which my brain processed with puzzlement, as she knows I'm an atheist and don't go and...FUCK! the christening. I'd completely forgotten. Sprang up out of bed, shaved, threw on the least offensive t-shirt that was clean (Cowbell Hero, fact-fans), and bolted off to Pollokshields. Made it in plenty of time, and our godless throng gathered outside and made all manner of jokes about deities made of biscuits and other such nonsense. It was funny if you were there.

Inside, I was actually surprised by how welcoming the place was (aside from one cobwebbed old cunt shooting us daggers all service), and thought about how the church I was dragged along to as a kid would never have tolerated the behaviour of the kids at the service (which wasn't bad in any way, just a lot less formal than some traditionalists would like). That's probably part of the problem as to why church attendances are falling nationwide, as the "This is God's house and I'll look down on you if you haven't put on a suit to come here" brigade still dominate many churches. And they can go die in a fire for all I care (tolerant, eh?). Also, the big brass eagle lectern looked like it had been looted from Nazi Germany. I half expected the ark of the covenant to be opened at some point to melt all of our faces.

Anyway, that done we headed back to EK, sat, talked, ate (and the lasagne was to die for), and then I came home as the dog had been stuck on her own for 8 hours or so. I've also managed to burn my scalp something rotten, so shall be slapping a lot of moisturiser on that.

Today I learned...

2008-06-02T18:31:00.001Z

...that when some screeching harpy on the phone asks "Could YOU feed yourself and a child on £5 a week?", answering "Well, yes" does not go down well.

Several days, one post

2008-05-27T21:53:00.002Z

Saturday: Went to Vonnie's to watch Eurovision, which was entertaining in a cheesy way, although by the end I was trying hard bot to explode with rage at terry Wogan and his merry Oirish brand of UK-centric xenophobia. The world'll be a better place once he learns that it's not politics that's stopping other countries voting for us, it's the fact we keep entering shit songs.

Sunday: Parkhead, Phil O'Donnell tribute game. Was a strange atmosphere, no-one really knew what to do. There was Phil (and Tommy Burns') life to celebrate, a league title to cheer about, and Henrik Larsson to welcome back. Although a lot of the crowd were thinking "You have GOT to be kidding me" when he was taken off after 2 minutes with a cut head. Huge ovation when he came back.

Monday: Off work, didn't do much constructive, saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Unweildy Title. Totally ludicrous plot and set pieces, but then it's an Indy movie, what were you expecting? And Harrison Ford still kicks ass.

Today: Back to work, place hoaching, still managed a skive or two though.

Last night - things I remember.

2008-05-24T11:05:00.002Z

I remember finishing work and going to Gill's for food.
I remember the pair of us going to the pub.
I remember Julie joining us.
I remember us having plenty to drink.
I remember strawberry cider, which was nice.
I remember a Rangers fan at the next table singing "We are not sectarian", and me butting in with the realisation that "You are not league champions" also scans perfectly.
I remember Dave appearing.
I remember some of Gill's mates showing up, and one of them appearing at the table with aftershocks for all.
I remember the three of us staggering back to Gill's for food and tea.
I remember part of the journey was conducted through the medium of shopping trolley.
I remember leaving Gill's and missing the bus.
I don't remember how I got home.
I remember waking up in my bed this morning.

These blank portions of the night trouble me.

Three in a row...

2008-05-22T22:04:00.001Z

Celtic win league again. I've been drinking. Possibly more detailed report to follow, but for now, I'll just bask in the glory of our new hooped overlords.

Abortion and hybrid embryos (not at the same time, obv)

2008-05-21T16:38:00.003Z

Clicky

It's not often I praise MPs, overpaid expense-claiming toads as they are, but on this occasion, they've got it right. A cut to 20 weeks would just have been the first step on the slippery slope back to the dark ages.

Coupled with this, it's not been a bad two days for them. I have no doubt they'll undo all their good work by voting in another illegal war[1] or tax cuts for the rich, but they've been less despicable so far this week.

[1]Of course, this would require them to be allowed a vote on such matters. And we can't be having antiquated notions such as democracy and accountability on the table when there's oil at stake.

This was too amusing not to post

2008-05-19T18:34:00.004Z

From a Russian press conference. Former world chess champion (and now politician - watch out for the polonium) Garry Kasparov is giving a press conference when he is interrupted. By a flying penis.

I can't embed it here, but click the link, and there's a video there of the peniscopter.

Clicky.

Football 2 - 0 Anti Football

2008-05-14T21:03:00.002Z

Thank fuck for that, I don't think I'd have been able to bear it if they'd won.

I'm going to be at least semi-gracious though, and not text the huns in my phonebook tonight for the purposes of mockery. Tomorrow, all bets are off.

Going through the motions.

2008-05-14T21:01:00.001Z

Just typical of a trade union, isn't it? They arrange for us all to have 2 hours off the phones for a meeting, then proceed to rattle through it in an hour. Not even a decent filibuster.

Piss up, brewery, etc.

War and Peace

2008-05-11T20:13:00.002Z

Finally finished reading this today. One of those books that it's nice to be able to say you've read, but it's really, really long, and large parts of it are astonishingly boring.

I reckon you could have knocked about 700 pages off it if someone had just invented the nuke 150 years earlier and cut the 'war' portion to a paragraph.

This public information post is brought to you by the Ministry of Forward Planning.

2008-05-06T20:46:00.003Z

I just found a wasp on my wall, and hit it with a magazine, because...well, because I fucking hate wasps.

There's now partially smeared wasp on the wall, and I don't know where the rest of the corpse plummeted to after it met its doom.

Cookery

2008-04-30T17:45:00.004Z

Here, btw, I fucking rule[1] at cooking. Moroccan Chicken & Couscous, nom nom nom.

Edit: Forgot to mention, the amounts below serve 2. Adjust accordingly if you have a Vonnie-sized family to feed.

You will need:
1/2 teaspoon each of coriander, turmeric, chili, cinnamon, and ground ginger.
Chicken. 2 breast fillets, or 4 thighs. Whichever you choose, make 'em skinless.
1/2 onion, finely chopped.
1 clove garlic, minced.
1/2 teaspoon grated ginger.
150g chopped tomatoes.
1.5 cups chicken stock
1 spring onion.
150g couscous.

How to make it:
Wash the chicken. Do not use soap.
Get the coriander, turmeric, chili, cinnamon and ground ginger, and mix together thoroughly.
Season the chicken with the spices. Be sure and rub it well into the skin.
In a fairly big pot, heat some olive oil, and brown the chicken (about 4 minutes each side)
While that's happening, chop up the onion, mince the garlic and grate the ginger, if you haven't already. Chop the spring onion too, but keep that to one side for the moment.
Remove the chicken from the pot, and keep to one side.
In the now-empty pot, add the onion, garlic and ginger, and cook for about 4 minutes, until soft.
Add the chicken back in, as well as the tomatoes and 1/2 cup of the chicken stock.
Stir it all up, bring to the boil, then cover and simmer for 45 minutes.

When you've got about 20 minutes left, use the remaining cup of the chicken stock (you probably wanna boil them separately for reasons of heat) to pour over the couscous (in as shallow a container as possible - you don't want it to be compressed by its own weight). Stir it, and cover immediately with cling film.
After 15 minutes, fluff the couscous with a fork (having removed the cling film, obv) and add the spring onions and any herbs you fancy flinging in there, subject to personal taste.

Put couscous on a plate or bowl, and pour the chicken over the top (it should be about done by now).
Serve.
Enjoy.

[1]Apart from the bit where I burnt my thumb with hot oil. But that didn't affect the food.

Numbarz masheen woes

2008-04-30T06:36:00.002Z

This computer is on its last legs. Things are crashing, it's rebooting randomly, and reinstalls appear to provide only a temporary respite. I've had machines do this before, and it never ends well.

Time to start backing up, methinks.

Work glorious work

2008-04-24T08:59:00.002Z

After 4 months of so of being on the phones, it comes time for my first late shift. Have to work until 8pm tonight, oh joy of joys.

Still, it meant I could have a lie in. Also have to work Saturday, which sucks. But half the systems are down then so most calls will be short and sweet "Call back Monday" efforts.

Send her victorioBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

2008-04-17T21:00:00.002Z

Meant to update on the AA. Called them up, informed them that their website was cheaper, and all of a sudden they start pulling discounts out of their ass that they're "authorised to issue".

End result is vastly cheaper breakdown cover. Score!

Elsewhere, I went out Tuesday night and got a lot drunker than I intended, so most of yesterday was spent hungover. Until the evening, where I was at Parkhead. First time I've seen Celtic beat Rangers in the flesh, and it was a hell of a game, had everything. As a result, I've spent most of today in a stupidly good mood, and even the fact I'm loaded with the cold can't bring me down.

Dick Turpin's breakdown service, how may I help you?

2008-04-14T18:32:00.002Z

My AA renewal came through today. I've been quoted £62. If I let the membership lapse and then re-register as a new customer, it costs £33. If I let it lapse and go to the RAC, it costs £33. I think a wee call to their retentions department will be in order, we'll see what they can offer after 'checking with their manager'.

They must think my head zips up the back.

Meh

2008-04-10T06:24:00.002Z

Things that have been good this week:
Winning £75 on the Grand National last weekend.
Taking calls at work yesterday from people with all manner of comedic names / circumstances.
Steak for dinner the other night.
Erm...
That's it.

Things that have been rubbish this week:
The rest of work.
My computer starting to randomly reset itself.
Mysterious Cities of Gold DVD set still not arriving in the post.

Football - source of most of life's pleasure and pain

2008-04-06T12:56:00.003Z

Sometimes I wonder why I bother.

Honestly, watching that game yesterday was torture. It's happened so often this season, we've had lots of pressure and then haven't taken our chances, and the other mob have run up the other end and scored.

I'll be very surprised if Gordon Strachan is still Celtic manager next season.

"Almost there lads, just keep goi...is that Amundsen? Fuuuuuuck!"

2008-04-01T14:47:00.002Z

Friday morning, 0645: I get up.
Friday morning, 0700: I throw up. It's a lovely shade of green.
Friday morning, 0730: I call in sick to work.
Rest of Friday: I do pretty much nothing. Vomiting stops over the course of the day, and I go up to Gill's for a bit in the afternoon to collect this year's parking permit. So that's another year i can park in close proximity to work.

Saturday: Old Firm game. Lunchtime kickoff, so I'm up early. Head over to McCoy's, and park the car. Walk to the ground is trouble-free, and the atmosphere once inside is pretty vitriolic, although not as bad as I thought it'd be. Huns win 1-0 with a goal late in the first half, although we could have been two up by then. Such is the nature of the game. Ibrox might well have been nicknamed 'The Library', given that the Rangers fans hardly made any noise for 44 minutes.
Saturday later: Out, Classic Grand, drunk. not as drunk as last time I was drinking there, but drunk nonetheless. And Barry played Dream Theater without me even asking. w00t!

Sunday morning and most of afternoon: Laze about house.
Sunday evening: Food with Steve, Kat, Marri and Paul. Nanakusa again, second time I'd been there in 7 days. Still most delicious.
Sunday night: Wrestlemania. Watched it at Irv's, 'cos he has a large HD screen, which always helps. Really good show, and damn it, the Flair - Michaels match was just perfect. "I'm sorry, I love you", followed by a kick to the jaw. It's moments like that which history is filled with.

Monday: Not much during the day, Nightwish concert at night. Pretty good fun, although I'm far from convinced by the new singer in the live setting, I don't think her voice is powerful enough, especially on the old material.

Tuesday: That'll be today, then. Last day off before I go back to work. Still, it's only a three day week, so can't really moan too much.

The Colour of Magic

2008-03-28T13:11:00.002Z

Watched this earlier this week (with a minor delay due to Sky One still not being available on Virgin), and everything I'd said beforehand was true:

Christopher Lee was great as the voice of Death.
David Jason was shite as Rincewind.
I liked it because it was a Pratchett adaptation, rather than because of any inherent quality in the show itself.

They're apparently doing Going Postal next. They can probably keep churning these out, but we'll all riot if they fuck up the casting of Vimes.

Making Plans For Iceman

2008-03-25T22:05:00.002Z

Easter, then. Where we celebrate the easter bunny getting crucified, and eat his (her?) eggs because dammit, we're Glaswegians, and if there's one thing we do well, it's rifling through the possessions of still-warm corpses.

Or something like that, anyway.

Thursday night I ended up at bamboo, and discovered the curse of WFP. For the uninitiated, that stands for 'Wan Fucking Pound', which is all the promo drinks cost. Go go gadget drunkenness. Drank a lot, spoke to plenty of decent people, and waited a fucking age for a taxi, so didn't get home until about 5am.

There was a funny moment on the bus on the way in, where the guys at the back said (loudly enough for everyone to overhear) that they were going to have a white wedding with everyone in wedding dresses, and the men would show their masculinity by also wearing top hats and monocles. Well, it was funny if you were there.

Friday, after being hungover for most of the day, I was up at Julie & Stuart's for a party, where I once again displayed the class oozing out of me by drinking buckfast. It was cheap and strong, what do you expect. Besides, I was in EK - it's almost expected of me...

Anyway, was drunk for a large part of that, and ended up not getting to bed until about 5am again. Night was good fun all-in though, and most of the folk there were cool enough.

Saturday was what we call a lazy day, I did pretty much nothing. Pondered going out at night, but left it because I had footy on Sunday. Said football was frozen, due to Livingston seemingly being the coldest place on earth that day. Still, comfortable if unspectacular win, bring on the huns. Seriously cannot wait for that.

I had initially planned to go out Sunday night, but illness and tiredness once again conspired against me, and I ended up passing out about half ten.

Monday (yesterday) was the last of my 4 days off, and I went for lunch to Nanakusa on Sauchiehall Street. Seriously impressed, good-quality Japanese food for the win. Also managed to catch The Orphanage at the cinema, which is an excellent ghost story, and y'all should see it before Hollywood remakes it and fucks it up.

That was pretty much that, and I was back at work today. So much fun, I think I'll go back again tomorrow. Still, only 3 more days to go, then I'm off for another 4...

This was part of the week that is.

2008-03-19T22:15:00.003Z

Been a relatively busy couple of days.

Pub quiz Monday - came joint first, sadly undone in the tie-breaker by a lack of hula-hooping ability. Best part of the day was coming home from work to find a letter offering me a ticket for the match at Ibrox next Saturday. £34, but the atmosphere should be worth it. Finally, all the away tickets I bought for the diddy games come in handy as I come out of the ballot for the game everyone wants.

Tuesday - Celtic vs Aberdeen in the cup, where the sheep-shaggers won, mostly due to us playing pish.

Today- Off work, so managed to cram a lot of little bits of stuff in: Went to gym, closed old bank account, bought ticket for Mordor, washed car, got haircut, got second hard drive working properly.

Back at work tomorrow, then off for 4 days. If we get holidays like this, more cult leaders should get nailed to crosses.

The machine that goes 'ping'

2008-03-15T17:07:00.002Z

Not much to say, except to offer congratulations to Jenny, who's just squeezed out a wean, and will no doubt be utterly delighted to hear me describe the miracle of birth in such a crude and blunt manner.

Also, was at the Jim Jeffries show last night, which was most hilarious, although not at all for the easily offended. Luckily, none of us was easily offended.

Football got cancelled today, AGAIN. Waterlogged pitch. Sometimes I wonder if this game will ever get played.

March 14th

2008-03-14T18:12:00.002Z

Happy 'Steak and a blowjob' day, everybody.

I got neither.

This amused me.

2008-03-06T07:36:00.002Z

Richard Cheese is probably fuming about gimmick infiringement, but still, who cares? Bruce Fucking Campbell!

AbsolutioN

2008-03-02T19:36:00.002Z

Was out last night for AbsolutioN, a new rock night at the Classic Grand. Nice venue, nice change from the Cathouse, and a huge turnout, apparently 600 folk showed up, which is tremendous for an opening night. Great to see a lot of folk I haven't seen in a while too.

Managed to pick up a mild case of knee knack, and I don't quite know how it came about.

Anyway, having got home about half four or so, I passed out in bed, before being woken at half 5 by my phone. My mum was calling (from Manchester, no less) to inform me that she'd been texted by the guy next door to inform her that the burglar alarm was going off, and no-one was answering the house phone.

Went downstairs and fixed it (no burglars, mercifully), and passed out again.

Today's just been a lazy one.

Fury

2008-02-26T18:39:00.002Z

"No, you can't have time off on Tuesday, we're expecting a peak of calls"

Then why the cunting christ were there 50-60 spare folk available all afternoon not on calls? Peak my arse.

Phone phun

2008-02-25T19:32:00.002Z

Payroll departments: you gotta love 'em.

Mine's screwed up a few times now, but this month's wages are correct. No, it's other ones I hate.

Ones who call up and ask you to just hand out people's details because they can't find a record of that National insurance number in their files.

Ones who act all affronted when you ask them to submit their request in writing? What's wrong, postage stamp too expensive for your multi-million pound company? Awww, diddums.

Ones who start shouting at you because you won't violate all manner of security procedures for their convenience.

Still, they do turn out to be ones that invariably find themselves listening to a dialling tone.

Swimming past the pyramids

2008-02-17T21:32:00.002Z

Out last night to the pub with Steve et al.

Was good fun, although I went on to the Cathouse afterwards, and managed to fall asleep on the bus home, waking up in EK. Go team mongo! Got a taxi back home from there, since I wasn't gonna wait another half hour in the cold for the return bus.

Also, large parts of the night have simply vanished from my memory. The moral of this story? Furstenburg is fucking potent beer.

Hangover's subsiding a bit, so it'll hopefully all be gone by the morning.

Twenty years ago, my world changed forever.

2008-02-15T18:28:00.002Z

Every year, I go off on a cynical rant about Valentine's Day.

Every year, while doing this, I forget that it's the 15th of February and its associated anniversary that really hits me.

This year is no different.

So, today the postman brought me a veritable ton of valentine cards.

2008-02-14T19:58:00.001Z

That's a lie, he brought fuck all.

Ho hum.

I do (well, not me personally, but he did and she did)

2008-02-09T18:12:00.000Z

Vonnie & Bob's wedding yesterday.

All a bit last minute, as my invite to the reception was only received last weekend, and then late on Thursday I was asked if I wanted bumped up to the main ceremony as well. Done and done, and so it was that I was at E.K church-of-some-sort mid-afternoon yesterday.

Lesson 1: Don't ever sit next to Shawsy at a formal ceremony. He's not lost his touch one bit, and half the pew was shaking trying hard not to laugh during the service. For example, during the vows:
--I give you my ring...
--Whit, again?
Plenty of light-hearted cultural intolerance too.

Left the church, and saw the wedding car she'd arrived in. Pink stretch Hummer. I still have no idea how they managed to get that into the streets surrounding the church. Lowering it in by crane would probably have been the easiest way.

Back to the hotel for the meal, which was nice, if somewhat drowned in gravy. (The main course, that is. The starter and pudding were mercifully devoid of gravy)

Reception was good too, plenty of decent folk out, and I had fun. Also a sense of smug satisfaction as I didn't have to worry about cabs or such like, I had a cheap room in the hotel. Fall in there, pass out, wake up today, demolish breakfast, and a leisurely drive home.

A good day all in, glad I went. A touch hungover today though.

I found it on my googles.

2008-02-04T21:58:00.000Z

So, headed out to see Henry Rollins last night. Theatre royal, which is a nice enough venue, although the seats lack comfort somewhat, which would turn out to be relevant later.

Anyway. He appears onstage at 8pm and starts talking. And talking. And talking. A lot. It was all very interesting, and he's a fascinating man to listen to. (Indeed, he's on my list anytime someone asks that tiresome "You can have folk to a dinner party, anyone at all, who do you invite?" question).

He's full of energy, and at no point did it feel boring. But as we approached the end of the third hour, the aforementioned less-than-comfortable seats started to cause pain in the arse area, of a magnitude that one might expect if they were to visit Michael Barrymore's pool party.

But yeah, a very enjoyable evening other than the pain, and anyone who gets the chance should see him.

And it just got better later on, as I watched the Superbowl, and the Patriots lost, so the Dolphins remain the only team ever to have a perfect season. I fucking hate the Patriots.

Back to work tomorrow, happy happy joy joy.

Who watches the watchmen?

2008-02-03T15:09:00.000Z

Usual deal here, have meant to update several times over the past week or so, never quite got round to it. Here it is in brief:

Work: Getting easier, I'm a lot more confident in what I'm doing with each passing day. the public are still idiots though.

Football: Wednesday night's game was postponed, but they didn't decide this until 7pm, a mere 45 minutes before kickoff. So I found out that it was off as the train I was on pulled into Blantyre. Waste of a trip. Away at Kilmarnock yesterday, 5-1 victory, and looked comfortable throughout. Samaras was impressive, but in truth the whole team were.

Movies: Cloverfield on Friday, which was fun. Suitably speedy, kept the monster well-hidden enough, thumbs up. Not gonna win any oscars or anything, but it's an enjoyable enough way to pass 90 minutes.

Last night: Ended up in the Cathouse after initial plans went awry, got drunk, am feeling the effects now.

Tonight: Henry Rollins at the Theatre Royal. Looking forward to it, Hank's always entertaining.

Later tonight: Superbowl. As much as I can hardly bring myself to support a Manning, I'll be rooting for the Giants tonight. For the simple reason that "They're not the Patriots"

Tomorrow: Off work. Woohoo.

Tax doesn't have to be taxing.

2008-01-27T12:05:00.000Z

This past week was my first week on the phones. After 10 weeks of fast-paced yet boring training, they let us loose on the general public.

The way it should happen is for us to take calls, with our mentors sitting next to us for instant assistance should it be needed (and it will be needed, but more on that later). Unfortunately, this is the end of January, coinciding with the self-assessment filing deadline, and that means a barrage of incoming calls. Which means management decided that they couldn't afford to have the experienced mentors off the phones just listening, so they're not sitting next to us. Instead, four of us from the training class are sitting together, with one experienced guy floating about to help us.

I was a little nervous before I went on the phones, because I haven't worked in a call-centre environment for three and a half years. It wasn't actually too bad though, I remembered a lot more from training than I thought I did. still had to ask for help on most of my calls though.

The training they provide isn't really adequate. We get ten weeks, whereas a few years ago, it was a 6 month training program. For example, the stuff you're taught in your second or third week is fine, but it's not touched again before then end, so you find yourself with someone on the phone, thinking "How the fuck do I do this again?". Everyone told me it'd be this way, and they were right. You don't start properly learning until you're on the phones.

Which brings us to the taxpayers. I'll no doubt rant about this a lot in coming weeks / months, so I'll keep it brief here. Entitlement complex, patronising, exceptionally stupid ("How do you spell 'single'?" - It was written 1cm above the box he was trying to fill in), basically anything that humans can do wrong, they seem to display over the phonelines to me.

But it's not been a bad week all-in. More of the same this week, then the fogey coding run, then hopefully a slowdown in the number of fools. Hopefully. On the plus side, the wages section do appear to have finally sorted out my pay, and thus this month I should get the right amount.

Rearranged Celtic - Motherwell game this Wednesday too, so I'll be at that, assuming it doesn't get postponed again. Then Rollins next Sunday, and the superbowl.

Movies what I saw this past weekend

2008-01-22T17:53:00.000Z

Aliens vs Predator Requiem - I don't know why I'm even classing it as a movie, it's utter, utter shite. Shit actors, shit director, shit script, shit idea, shit execution. Anyone even remotely involved in the making of this should hang their heads in shame.

No Country for Old Men - Much better. Brilliant, in fact. Javier Bardem makes an excellent psychopath, totally understated and unhinged.

Sweeney Todd: Oh for christ's sake, it's Depp and Burton. If you aren't already on your way to the cinema, there had better be a damn good reason. Utterly fantastic, I loved every minute of it.

Shift patterns

2008-01-17T23:49:00.000Z

Finally got my shift pattern in work given to me. Got 3 more weeks on training hours, then as of February 11th, I'm on 1030 - 1830.

It's good in that I can go to the gym pre-work, since it's usually the last thing I want to do after a long shift.

It's not so good on the nights that I want to be over at Parkhead for a 1945 kickoff. Super-speedy driving a-go-go...

Oh look, a meme-type post

2008-01-15T21:26:00.000Z

Yeah, I bored, so I may as well do this. I appear to have been tagged by the ever-lovely Vonnie, who's getting married really soon, but doesn't like having it pointed out.

So anyway here are the rules:
Link to the person that tagged you.
Post the rules on your blog.
Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
Tag six random people and the end of your post-link to their blogs.
Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
Let the fun begin!

1. I seem to be incapable of walking away from my car without going back after 10 yards to check that it's locked. OCD-tastic.
2. I am either ultra-suspicious of happenings around me, or completely oblivious. There doesn't appear to be a middle ground.
3. I'm allergic to nuts, although not fatally. In the past, this has been interpreted as an invitation to test just how allergic I am. Don't do this.
4. I appeared on national television aged 7, and my mum didn't video it.
5. Scrunching up cellophane makes me shiver uncontrollably.
6. In almost every photo I appear in (where I'm aware of my pic getting taken) my neck is stretched ostrich-style. This is a vain attempt to make it look as if I have chin singular.

Right, now I've apparently to tag 6 people. I choose:
Steve
Kirsten
Jenny
Kat
Amy
Laura

because none of them update frequently enough for my liking, and this might help stimulate more writing from them.

Charlie Wilson's War

2008-01-13T14:51:00.000Z

Just back from seeing this, and I loved it.

It's intelligent and funny, the dialogue is snappy and well-written, it makes a political point in a subtle manner, it doesn't patronise the audience, it slags off the current US administration's foreign policy, and it's got Philip Seymour Hoffman in it, stealing the movie as he always does.

All of those being reasons that I loved it, and reasons that it'll probably take about £4.50 at the box office, while the moronic public queue round the block for 'Alien vs Predator 2: Dude, where's my alien?' or whatever has been excreted from the studios this week.

Go and see it. Charlie Wilson's War, that is, not AvP2.

Not the youngster...

2008-01-09T21:14:00.000Z

Work's been utterly hellish this week.

The training's been long, and verging on the incomprehensible. This isn't helped by a lack of available rooms, leaving us shunted about the building like pinballs. Nor is it helped by the only available chair being one that isn't adjustable, thus leading to all kinds of pain.

And it's too hot in there. Still, only two days to go until the weekend.

Bullets have left guns slower than that

2008-01-06T22:32:00.000Z

I love the day after a hangover. You feel normal, but merely by being the day after the previous day, you wake up full of the joys of life, and thinking you're great by comparison.

I have, of course, completely wasted the day by doing absolutely fuck all with it. Go me. And I'm back at work tomorrow. Yay for half six rises!

Ten

2008-01-05T13:18:00.000Z

Went for lunch with Ruth yesterday. Got into town at about half twelve, and we ate in Miso, which was nice (if a little quiet). But that's not how lunch works for us, oh no. We have never been out for lunch and not had it end in a drunken mess many hours later. So we started drinking.

I'd love to regale you all with many tales of the banter from the day, but I won't, for the simple reason that I can't remember much of it. Thus it came to pass that 3 pubs, many hours, many drinks and a flat in the west end later, I found myself walking back into town to get a bus home. Anyone who's dealt with the 66 knows that while it does run all night, it's a right bastard to wait in the cold for it. So to keep warm, I thought it'd be sensible to walk to the city centre and get the bus from there.

Once I got there, I realised I had no money. No problem, to the ATM I shall go. Wahey, I now have money. But there's no way I'm spending a tenner on the bus. Best break the money. Food! A splendid idea. Got some chips, and ate them while I walked to Union Street to get the bus. So far, so sensible.

And it would have been sensible, had I got on the bus, and not in fact thought "Fuck it, Cathouse is nearby" and gone there instead. 0300 comes round, and I'm outside the Catty, cold and drunk. 0400 comes and I'm still there, unaware of just how long I've been chatting to folk for. 0430 comes, and I'm now home, having sprinted like fuck for the bus.

1030 comes, and I'm so hungover that my head feels like it's clamped in a vice. A proper vice, not one of the pishy ones you used to get in school.

Ouchouchouch. I am a disgrace.

MMVIII

2008-01-01T18:41:00.000Z

Most years, I type up a review-of-the-year of sorts here, and I've meant to do this for the past few days. Anyway, I'm now bored and here, so a-summarising I shall go:

Work:
This has probably been the biggest change of the past twelve months. This time last year, I'd just been transferred into the mailroom of the Glasgow office, and had next to no chance of having my contract made permanent. Retirements and deaths meant that I was back at Centre One within 6 months, and in true HMRC fashion, would almost certainly have been shunted back to Glasgow had I not managed to secure a promotion.

Upshot of it all is that I'm now on a permanent contract, earning about £1500 extra per year. It is a weight off my mind, not having to worry about whether I'll still have a job 3 months down the line. Now, if I can just get the payroll department to stop being incompetent and get my wages right for once...

Friends:
Met a few new folk this year, all of whom are good people, but special mention goes to Gill, who I just clicked instantly with, and she's now one of my best mates.

Weight:
20 stone at the start of the year, 18 stone now. I'll take that. Looking to lose a good chunk more this year too.

Wedding:
Large chunks of the year spent preparing for Steve and Kat's wedding, at which I was best man. (You hear that? I WAS BEST!) All kinds of panic and stuff, but the big day went very smoothly, and I ended up very drunk. Which is what happens when you consume nothing all day because of pre-speech nerves, and then try and catch up afterwards...

Love life:
It's been a year of peaks and troughs. I've had more than my share of rugs pulled out from under me, but I consider it progress that I was able to find myself on the rug in the first place. As for 2008? Who knows...

Other stuff:
Did Donington again, with a hotel this time. Plans are afoot to do it all again in 2008, and hotels look likely to win out once more.
Did London as part of Steve's stag weekend, which we have no plans to do again. My wallet is thankful for this. London's purveyors of alcohol are not.
Not a lot else, really.

The future:
Is not set. There's a storm coming. Ahem. Maybe not. This year? I suspect it'll be fairly quiet, since my long-term plan is to save up and try and buy my own place, which necessitates putting money aside. Still, that's for times that are after now.

But where was he going without ever knowing the way?

2007-12-28T14:04:00.001Z

You know what's really good fun?

Changing a flat tyre in pitch darkness and pissing rain at 11pm, that's what.

Other than that minor mishap, last night was good though. A tad bizarre in places, but good nonetheless.

I Am Legend

2007-12-26T14:39:00.000Z

I am shit movie, more like.

Urgh.

Happiness is a zero-sum game

2007-12-25T20:55:00.000Z

"So this is Christmas, and what have you done?"

I got up.
I cut myself shaving. A good start.
I had a relaxing time at home while the rest of the family went to church.
I drank some whisky.
I bit my tongue while people were over for dinner.
I ate dinner. Too much dinner. Seriously too much.
I held my temper while the rest of the family cheated like fuck at the daft 'pub quiz' DVD game someone had brought round.
I still came within 3 points of winning.
I watched Dr Who. It was passable, but not brilliant.
I listened to music that makes me cry. I knew before I started that it would do that, but I didn't care.

And now I'm going to drink more whisky. Hope you've all had a good day and got everything you wanted.

Bah! Humbug! Etc!

2007-12-24T22:16:00.000Z

Merry Christmas / Hogswatch / whatever the fuck you celebrate, everybody.

If you're in my phone book, you'll get a text to this effect in a couple of hours or so, but I thought I'd post here for those who aren't.

Makes parking easier.

2007-12-22T11:42:00.000Z

Nineteen pounds forty.

That's how much the birthday drink Dave bought me last night cost. And I'm still alive, which is always a bonus.

Good night though, much fun.

Happy Birthday to Mii

2007-12-21T21:22:00.000Z

I'm 28 today, and don't feel in the least bit older. I'll worry about that when I hit 30. But today has rocked (with special mention to my sister, who actually went and got a Wii imported when everywhere sold out), and I'm about to head off out and get drunk. But not too drunk, since there's footy tomorrow, and as I'm sure I've mentioned in the past, Parkhead is not fun hungover.

Speaking of footy, Celtic drew Barcelona in the next round of the Champions League. Might see if I can get a ticket for the away leg...

Food and scabs (not together, mercifully)

2007-12-18T22:09:00.000Z

Village restaurant, EK shopping centre - don't go there.

I'd meant to mention this last week, but managed to forget, so here it is now. Me and Kat went there for lunch last Friday (plan had initially been to go for a Chinese, but it was mobbed), and it's really not very good at all.

There was a massive group of about 20 folk there who were clearly on an office lunch, so we didn't order starters. If we had, we'd probably still be waiting for our main courses.

We both had the lasagne, and while I can't speak for Kat's, mine was overcooked / burnt (delete as applicable), but I was ravenous, so ate it anyway. In theory I could have complained, but given how slow they were going, it'd have taken ages to get sorted, and my number 1 priority was actually getting some food in me before my lunch break was over.

Won't be back, that's for sure.

In other minor bits n pieces, the tattoo's healing well, and I have Friday off work. So I have two more days to work, and then I'm off until January 7th.

Ink part 2

2007-12-15T18:23:00.000Z

Got the tattoo done today, over at chameleon in paisley. Good place, nice and clean etc.

Arrived about 11am, and Barry did me (fnarr) after only about ten minutes wait. Nice laid-back atmosphere, and we were all done in an hour. Anyway, here's a badly-taken pic:

Ink

2007-12-13T19:04:00.000Z

All going according to plan, I'm getting tattooed on Saturday.

Pic to follow once it's done.

Wrong way on a one-way track.

2007-12-09T13:51:00.000Z

Was up at Gill's last night. A few folk had been invited since several of us have birthdays in December, so we thought "Let's have people round for drinks".

The first spanner in the works came courtesy of illness, which deprived us of some of the planned throng, and the second spanner in the works came courtesy of First bus, who managed to not send any 66s out for a long time, resulting in Dave being hugely late for me, and the pair of us thus being hugely late for EK.

When a 66 finally did arrive, the driver didn't seem to have the slightest clue where he was going, so I can only assume that they'd had staff shortages or whatever and drafted in someone who didn't know the route. Either way, we made it to our destination, but I wasn't holding out much hope for anyone who wanted to take it all the way to Calderwood.

Anyway. Arrived just after 2100, and nipped into the off-licence to get some drink. Headed up, and people were already pretty mangled. Cocktails had been mixed, they were rather strong (very tasty though), and we all got drunk and had a good time.

The best of it is, I don't have even the slightest trace of a hangover today! Huzzah!

60 things about me, many of which you probably knew already.

2007-12-05T21:43:00.000Z

I'm bored, and a metric fuckload of other folk seem to have been doing this recently. Here goes...

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
Probably a thin covering of dust. There's been no-one there in a while, and the junk gets crammed into the glove box, TARDIS-style.

2. When was the last time you threw up?
Couple of months ago. Tanned a pint of water to try and minimize the hangover I'd end up with, and proceeded to throw up watery vomit 4 times between the door of the Cathouse and Riginals. I'm so classy.

3. Whats your favorite curse word?
Fuck, although I use christ in 'an inappropriate manner' a fair bit too.

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today?
Kat, Gill and whoever wrote the letters page in this month's issue of Viz.

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Running like hell to try and get out of the sudden rainstorm that had hit, thinking only of the coffee at the end of the tunnel. And up two floors.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Playing video games.

8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
I've been on stage in a strip club.

9. What is the last thing you said aloud?
Mind if I finish these grapes?

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Baileys flavour Haagen-Dasz

11.What was the last thing you had to drink?
Whisky. Specifically, Ardbeg 10.

12. What are you wearing right now?
Jeans, a black Disturbed longsleeve, and a Cincinatti Bengals jersey over the top.

13. What was the last thing you ate?
Most of a packet of grapes.

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
No. No I haven't.

15. When was the last time you ran?
This morning, in the aforementioned pissing rain.

16. Whats the last sporting event you watched?
AC Milan vs Celtic, last night. In the last 16, yass!

18. Who is the last person to whom you sent a comment/message on myspace?
I deleted my myspace a while back.

19. Ever go camping?
Very rarely. Last time was Donington '06, and it was a fucking nightmare.

20. Do you have a tan?
Nope, never been one for all that malarkey. If it occurs in the course of my day-to-day activities, so be it, but I'm not arsed if it doesn't.

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
Yes, if only to stop me tanning the whole thing in one go.

25. What did your last text message say?
"England lost the test", courtesy of my mother. She does like to pass on good sporting news like that, it's most kind.

25. Are you someone's best friend?
I'm told I am, yes.

27. What are you doing tomorrow?
The same thing I do every day, Pinky. Trying to take over the world. Or maybe just going to work.

28. Where is your Mum right now?
Downstairs, watching NCIS.

29. Look to your left, what do you see?
Part of my room, my door (open), and the hallway.

30. What colour is your watch?
Metal, with patches of not-quite-so-shiny metal underneath. It is a few years old, and it keeps going, which I can't complain about, since it only cost about £20 or so.

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
Throw another cliche on the barbie, Bruce.

32. Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
It's a rare occasion that I see a rollercoaster and don't have a go on it.

33. What is your birthstone?
According to wikipedia, it depends on which list you use. So it's one of Turquoise, Lapis Lazuli, Tanzanite, Zircon or Ruby. December, anyway.

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Go in if at all possible, because if some slack-jawed thicksicle fucks up my order, it's easier to take it back and get it done properly. You'd think the words 'no mayo' were simple enough to understand, wouldn't you?

35. Do you have any friends on myspace that you actually hate?
As above, myspace deleted a while back. But no, no-one I hate on any social networking sites.

36. Do you have a dog?
Yep, although she's getting old, is deaf, and will probably die sooner rather than later.

37. Last person you talked to on the phone?
My sister.

38. Have you met anyone famous?
Fame is subjective. But barring the odd passing moment, no.

39. Any plans today?
Bit late to be making plans now.

40. How many states have you lived in?
Does Scotland count as a state? Either way, here all my life.

41. Ever go to college?
Observe the blatantly US-orientated survey. I went to Uni, yeah. Some parts were more fun than others.

42. Where are you right now?
In my bedroom, sitting in front of the computer.

44. Last song listened to?
Iron Maiden - Fear of the Dark

46. Are you allergic to anything?
Nuts. Not fatally, but enough to cause illness.

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Just a bog-standard cheap pair of trainers. *checks* Umbro, apparently.

48. Are you jealous of anyone?
All the time.

50. Is anyone jealous of you?
I'd be very surprised if they were.

51. What time is it?
22:19

52. Do any of your friends have children?
Several of them do.

53. Do you eat healthy?
I try, but I'm weak and a sucker for temptation.

54. What do you usually do during the day?
Work, surprisingly enough. I'd rather not, but they might stop paying me if I don't go.

55. Do you hate anyone right now?
No-one personally, but there are a few in the public eye I'd gladly see disembowelled.

56. Do you use the word hello daily?
Hello daily is two words. And I probably use 'hey' more than 'hello'.

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
Twenty-eight, scarily enough. Just over a fortnight away.

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Nope, it's too far away.

60. How did you get one of your scars?
Layla bit me.

That killed a few minutes. Although I notice several numbers were missing, which makes me wonder what was so special about those questions that they didn't make the final cut...

Zero and Twelve

2007-12-02T21:50:00.000Z

You know those free holidays you get? The ones where it's not really a free holiday, but the promise of one to try and lure you into a marketing presentation for some godforsaken timeshare or whatever they want you to buy? You must have seen them. You've probably been phoned about them. Chances are, you've been phoned about them and didn't realise, especially if you're anything like me and just hang the fuck up at the first sign of telemarketers.

Anyway, I rant. Julie texted me yesterday, as she had been 'specially selected' to attend one of these presentations, and Stuart was busy. As it was in the west end, she asked for my services as chauffeur in exchange for food, a deal I was only too pleased to agree to, as food was blessed relief from the ever-worsening pain from the previous night.

We knew what it'd be like there, with a number of hoops to jump through once they found out that Julie wasn't for buying whatever they were selling. We can only assume it was like that, since we never made it past the front door. They asked for our names, and when Julie explained that Stuart couldn't make it and that I was there as her lift, they pointed out that it did have to be the two who were named.

And there we have the catch. There's always a catch. This time, it's a multitude of small print that has to be followed to the letter. We guessed that their tactics once in there would have been to try and split the couple up and make each one think that the other was an obstacle in the way of the dream holiday, so that they both come out thinking that they have to be convince the other. And they have a sale.

Anyway, we left, and drove back to EK. Julie's gonna phone them and give them what for, and possibly a cheeky wee claim for my petrol.

But hey, I got a KFC out of it, so it wasn't an entirely wasted trip.

"She'd actually kill you if you did anything like that"

2007-12-01T11:29:00.000Z

Last night, then.

Met up with Julie and Stuart outside the Barrowlands and went in just as the support band were starting. The 69 eyes, they call themselves, although a better name might be 'The 69 ways we're trying to copy the Sisters of Mercy. And not doing it very well.'

Within Temptation were excellent. Decent setlist, and Sharon den Adel is just perfect. *drools*

Post gig, we jumped a cab and headed up to the QM, meeting Steve outside. I'd managed to get a plus five on the guestlist, which was not as easy as that sentence makes it sound, with much panic as to whether we'd all be able to make it in, what with Kat and Dave arriving later. As Stuart put it, "I've seen troops go to Iraq with less logistical chaos than that", or words to that effect.

Anyway, we all got in, and everyone seemed to have a good time. More chaos trying to get home afterwards, with 6 of us, and no cab going to hold more than 5 folk. Ended up splitting into two groups. I got a cab with Julie & Stuart, and Dave & The Fletchers (still a novelty to say it like that) going for the bus.

I'm not too hungover today, which isn't bad.

Running Interference

2007-11-30T16:53:00.000Z

The week as a snapshot:
Wednesday: Footy. Game was mince, but Celtic did their usual and won it in injury time. Yet another season where we've got 9 points from 3 home games, remains to be seen if that'll be enough. Fingers crossed.

Last night: Went to bamboo for a while for the AN club night thingy. Was good fun while I was there, but work this morning sadly compelled me to leave early. Got good chat off many people though, so can't complain.

Today: Went to work, had lunch with most of the training class (Mr "Ah'm being persecutit!" having decided to eat his sandwiches instead of joining us - his loss...), left a bit early due to the most laid-back trainer ever.

Came home, and found that my new passport had arrived. This was a turnaround time of a week for the standard service, which I can only assume means the Passport Office has been taken over by someone from bizarro world.

Within Temptation gig tonight...

I just threw up a little

2007-11-26T22:46:00.000Z

The light in my bathroom isn't working. Not the bulb, it was just changed recently. It's the cord to switch it on that's fucked. Shaving by torchlight is not the most pleasant of experiences.

Work's boring but easy, although it is frying my brain somewhat.

Fairly busy-ish week coming up, Celtic vs Shakhtar Donetsk on Wednesday night, then Within Temptation (and possibly Cheesy Pop afterwards) on Friday.